Are People Taking Advantage Of You Because You’re Nice?

Taking Advantage of YouIn business and in life people will tend to take advantage of the kindness of others.  Most of the time it’s done without the knowledge of the victim too.  Be prepared and on guard of the intentions of others because in the end you could be screwing yourself.

I was driving my normal route home from work the other day and frequently there is a traffic jam at the same cross street stoplight every day.  I have adopted the practice of taking a back road only to come back to the main street that I was traveling further down.  This back road comes to a parking lot that is just short of the main light that holds up the traffic.   I simply drive through the parking lot and I know some nice soul that has no clue what I just did lets me in and now I just cut about 15 minutes off my commute home.  Meanwhile this person thinks they just did a very admirable action.  But in the end they screwed themselves because unfortunately the next light change, I was able to squeeze by the green light while this unsuspecting saint got caught adding 5 minutes to their commute.

Do you think that person would have let me in if he/she knew what I just did?  Probably not.  I thought to myself, if I can easily do this to someone right now, imagine what people would be doing to me in my business and life.  I usually have the general idea that people are good and would never purposely take advantage of me.  Unfortunately that is not reality.  Well, what should you do?

Don’t do anything you don’t really want to do.

Some people will just do it out of fear of saying no.  The whole time your doing the request you will be sour, bitter and unhappy.  Meanwhile the requester is smiling and sitting back.  So don’t put yourself through it.  You have control over your own feelings and actions.  Take charge!

Be Cautious Of Everyone

Your best of friends could even be the culprits.  People prey on kindness, it’s like a shark sniffing out blood.  They can smell the wreaking odor of kindness, they see it in your eyes and can taste it.  Licking their chops and attacking is what they do.  Keep an eye out and be conscious of the fact the people are self-fish at heart.  In the end most people only care about themselves.  The easy line to cross in this mindset of “trust no one” is you can be sitting there guarded and defensive all the time.  No one likes this attitude and can be utterly turned off by it.

Don’t Feel Guilty

One of the main reasons that we give in is because we don’t have a good excuse not to.  At least we think it might may not be a good enough one in the eyes of the predator. My answer; SO WHAT!  1.) You don’t have to justify to them why you are saying no, don’t even give them a reason. 2.) Don’t worry about them.  It’s you and your thoughts, you have the right to say NO!

Stand Your Ground

The people around you have grown accustomed to taking advantage of you.  They will not go down without a fight and they will pull out every guilt trip card in the book.  They will clamp down their teeth and attempt the alligator death roll.  This will be your toughest part to conquer.  You have a need to feel accepted and belong and saying “no” has a chance of you making enemies.  In the end you will feel good about it and you are staying on track, your ultimate goal of success.

So whats the point?

Race of LifeWhats wrong with helping people?  Nothing is wrong with helping people that truly need help.  But in the end how are you going to succeed in your business and life if you spend all your time helping others that could be just helping themselves.  All your time will be focused and used up already.  You think Bill Gates spent most of his time helping others that just want to prey on his kindness(if he has any kindness)?  No, you have to be somewhat of a hard nose business man/woman to get ahead and saying “no” is just a part of that.

The time for generosity and kindness is when you are sitting at the top, otherwise its just a race to get there and the first one wins. Don’t get knocked down.

  • http://secretultau.wordpress.com/ Marius B.

    Very very well said. Life is a jungle people. Don't let others take advantage of your common sense.

    • http://www.joeporter.me Joe Porter

      Thanks Marius for your thoughts!!!

  • Nichole

    Good post, helpful in my master’s assignment this week!

  • TERRIBEINGHAPPY

    GREAT FREAKING ARTICLE. I AM SICK OF NARRCISTIC PEOPLE THAT THINK I AM DUMB AND THEY ARE CLEVER…HAHA. THE JOKE IS ON THEM. I AM TOTALLY AWARE OF THEM EVEN WHEN I SAY YES. AND IT’S FUN TO WATCH THEM WHEN THEY SHOW SHOCK AT MY NEXT “NO”. HAHAHAHHAHA

    • Ryan

      Haha same thing here lol! :)   People think I am so dumb but I really am not.  And when I do say no, which is becoming more common now, people get so mad.  Haha, really shows how many people are out there to take advantage of others and that they only care for themselves.

    • cool cat

      but wat if they start to call u rude for nothing and everyone starts to hate u??????????

    • tee hee

      Yep, my thoughts exactly, but, I guess they don’t pay your bills nor do they give you a place to stay… F*uck them and keep that attitude. I have to talk to my boss about co-workers taking advantage of me. I am nervous as hell, but this is becoming ridiculous. The thing is… These two co-workers don’t even like me anyway! They talk about me to everyone at our company, and then they use me because I can’t say no and I can’t stand up for myself. Ugh! Today is the day that new Me will come out. I’m so sick and tired of this.

  • Peter

    So very true Joe. i gen really agree with you, humans are born selfish and will often place themselves ahead of others in order to gain some form of competitive advantage, but that’s just natural human nature, the thing that decipher’s each human apart from the other is ” the race” you mentioned above, which is an awesome anecdote in life. Good article mate

  • http://twitter.com/purpaliciouzz pri

    A so called friend of mine is playing this trick on me :O I have to submit  my master’s thesis in 5 days and today she was talking to me very very nicely if I can join her for shopping so that she don’t have to pay half of the rent. so sooooo selfish…I am her roomate…this is d saddest part… :(     

  • J.S.

    Story of my life and all you get back is a slap in the face. I should wear a sign that says “use me” or ”people pleaser”..hit on me..I can not count how often this has happened to me..

  • JWB

    I’d recommend this to anyone who suddenly comes into money.  (especially inheritance)  The truth is sad and brutal.  No one will ever love you like your parents and you’ll be lucky if they really loved  you the way my mom loved me.  If you ever have a windfall of money, DO NOT TELL ANYONE.  Do not show it buy purchasing expensive things.  Trust me when I tell you that 4 out of 5 people that I thought I could trust were all caught in betrayal.  They see your grieving situation, they abuse the power they have over your loneliness, they manipulate the situation, then they betray your trust.  They can’t help it.  Greed over takes them all.  SAY NO.  DO NOT EXPLAIN WHY.  JUST SAY, I’M SORRY, I CAN’T HELP YOU.  Then, they’ll go look for someone else to prey upon.  I’ve had people cry crocodile tears in my face.  It was all an act.  DO NOT TRUST THEM.  DO NOT FEEL GUILTY.  JUST SAY NO!  DON’T EXPLAIN!  After I stopped helping them and they realized that they could get nothing else from me, then the hatred, envy, jealousy and filth came out of them.  They cussed me, they cussed my family, and then left to find another prey.  THEY’RE SICK.  That’s 4 out of 5 people that I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST.  I didn’t let it harden my heart.  I just make damn sure now that someone REALLY needs help.  I put those people out of my life.  I FEEL SO RELIEVED.  NOW I AM READY FOR MORE SUCCESS.  IT’S NOT EASY BEING SUCCESSFUL.  THAT’S WHY MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT.  YOU CAN DO IT.  TRUST GOD, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, AND WORK HARD.  =)  I’m a much happier man now.  It was a tough lesson to learn.

  • JWB

    It is the dark side of our naturally co-operative instinct. When we co-operate or share we place our trust in others and anticipate that this will be reciprocated.People who abuse this trust or deliberately take advantage of our vulnerability or dependency take advantage of us. This happens in one to one relationships, the workplace, the school yard, and even in society and invariably involves a combination of the abuse of power, the deployment of deceit, and betrayal of trust.

    • michelle lee

       Thanks for this article and suggestions. I really needed to read this, because I am one of those nice guys but recently have to say NO to one of the person I thought I could trust. It took me awhile, this person was quite CLEVER and I only found out OR figure her patterns of abusive because I caught her lying to me on 1 matter that was very obvious. Since then, I kept my eyes WIDE OPENED for all subsequent matters that she asked me to do. I must say that this person was very sneaky, she compliments and would even say stuff like I love you and that you are amazing, etc. all that B.S. over and over . . . again until I started to see a pattern of her being OVERCOMPENSATED with her words of kindness (and she was able to do this for a long time, because lets face the facts that . . .  it doesn’t cost any money to compliments people). But at the end I figured it out and of course,  I am no longer this person’s friend.
      I am just upset I didn’t see it sooner and was being used for so long, but I figure . . . BETTER LATE than NEVER.
      To the NICE people out there:  Be careful, no matter what the DEVIL appears to be, be cautious, do help people but try to look for patterns of abusive which ARE often hid behind kind words and ACTIONS speak LOUDER than WORDS and this is HOW I found the devil I have been dealing with. Just be careful. . .
      I am an extremely generous person, but if I should find out someone are trying to use me . . . then I will NEVER be that person’s friend again, but will seek to get EVEN in the long run !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • http://www.joeporter.me Joe Porter

       Thanks for the insighful comments!! im really glad you enjoyed the read.  i wrote this awhile ago and everytime someone comments on this i reread it and kind of get renewed :) its a constant reminder that we have to be aware of those people that are just trying to take advantage.

    • SAE

       Thanks, Michelle, for these beautiful comments. I am also one of those nice guys out there, I currently have a coworker whom I treated my friend and as a sister, brought lunch almost everyday and shared with her, since she doesn’t cook and I feel happy to share it w/ her. She bought my 2 dslr cameras, lenses and camera bags, etc. I did not know she had no intention of paying me until I asked her after 9mos. for the payment and still, she was telling me that she still has no money to pay me when she’s buying a lot of expensive things for herself. She also had asked me if she can buy bags using my credit card, I let her do it and until now, 3 mos. have passed, she still not paying me for all of these. We are coworkers but I treated her as my friend, I cannot believe she is doing this to me. Probably it’s also my fault, but JWB said, it was a tough lesson to learn. Now, everything is clear to me, but I sometimes still struggle to say NO to her, but I know I am getting there, it’s just that I have no choice but stay w/ her and the company we are working with.

    • Richard

      wow im in a worse situation. i was adopted and long story short, i was kicked out of my adoptive fathers house before i even graduated high school. i had a friend in school, and she let me know her folks, who i inturn asked if i could stay. they let me saying atleast til i graduated high school. then i graduated, tried getting a job. rewind one sentence after hs they said until i got on my feet i received ssi for 2 months and they felt sorry or something cuz they gave me a whole years worth of the ssi. 6600 dollars!. i didnt know it was a check it didnt seem like one cuz it wasnt the usual i was used to seeing. my friends mother told me how much was on it, and wanted to hold onto it so i could use it for my own place. funny thing is though, i had to get my ss card which only cost me bus money. i live in delaware now but i was born in jersey. i had to go to jersey to get my birth certificate after telling the lady that i tried getting my state id but they needed b. c. so i had to tell her i drove all the way up here i have my ss card and my school id i cant do one without the other. so i got 2 copies after that. i still had to get my state id, i didnt really need it until, one business, the charcoal pit, went outta business and low and behold, an IHOP was opening and hiring on the spot like first come first hired. 2009 i graduated and we all know worse year by far to look for a job.

      so i go to job corps cuz seasonal work is good for well, the season which is the christmas season. i come home and within just a few months, i join the military, us army national guard. now im going somewhere. all good in theory. i even met my company commander from my home unit in ait, which is right after basic. he told me were getting deployed in feb. which was nice for me, an average soldier makes 30,000 overseas. i could have bought my own trailer and my own used car and still had money and i got hired by walmart.

      sorry rewind that a bit, i met my real family on facebook right before i went to basic. all was good, but as soon as i had cell phone use, i was getting screamed at by my own mother for lies told to her by my adoptive father who is a complete *** ****.so that hurt big time. i pushed it aside after a few weeks, but it hurt me emotionally i started failing my run on the army physical fitness test. when i did i started improving again, went from 18:00 2 mile to 16:00 flat in just three weeks, i needed to pass though at 15:54, six seconds too late. i was out of chances, got honorably discharged, and could come back in 6 months, enough time to sort everything out, i think it was wayy too much time. i came home to my “friends” only to go live with my real family that moved from colorado to delaware. i went only cuz someone who didnt really like me anyways offered me a ride so fast it made me say yes, when all i wanted to do was visit, but i was going to try and get my cdl, hey i needed money and the prospect of being on my own was just awesome at that point. but that didnt work out, driving truck needed more experience just driving a car, which i had my license but i had no money for a car, and my friends lied to me about allowing me once in a while drive theirs for experience.

      so i came back dealt with my mother who is just insane started calling me a failure in life. i was too optimistic that even though i have faced horrible times i have come out better than before. i left cuz i couldnt take my mother screaming at me over little sh**. i moved back to my friends, and thats when my friends took advantage of me. i used to pay 200 a month usualy in food stamps. so i got unemployment they wanted 600 a month and my food stamps and i didnt even have my own bed let alone my own room, which im not really complaining about u could buy memory foam mattress toppers and its like being on a mattress. when i came back thats when i started working at walmart. so i was told i couldnt sleep in before that which is fine, cuz i wasnt paying rent, and if they wanted something done when they wanted thats fine atleast they were giving me a place to live and i felt atleast i was doing something for my extended stay. but heres where the bull really got to me, i couldnt sleep in still while working for walmart and the reason was, “i didnt work 40 hours a week, or went to college” when i started working my rent went down to just 500 a month and 125 in food stamps, for food i hardly even ate. i would buy a drink and put it in the fridge cuz i dont chug everything i drink, who does? so they would throw out what i paid for cuz, :oh if its not full it dont go in the fridge. if u buy it and its here you have to drink all of it” like really? so now i was being forced to chug everything i freaking bought? thats not even the worst of it. i was running back and forth to work, walmart hired me 1 month before i was eligible for the military again, 2 before i was ready financially and physically.

      so i was forced to put my schedule up so they basically forced me to get a ride from them which meant i was doing that on their time, i would call like 10 minutes before i got off, cuz it took more than ten for them to be able to get there. instead i would have to call them as soon as i clock out and wait an hour just to be picked up, it only takes no more than 15 minutes, so i started realizing i was living under their schedule, under their control. heres where it gets real interesting, they told me i had to put my schedule up or they would kick me out. now i had nowhere else to go, and i wouldve gone homeless except 1. i never planned on being in the situation to choose being homeless, 2. the military needs an address for you, 3. i was just going with it not thinking anything would happen, cuz i trusted these people too much i even called my friend sister and her mother mom. i felt i needed to be i a “family” because i never had one. they atleast didnt do the abuse i was used to, i was beaten and starved by my adoptive mother.
      and another thing with my new “mom”, one day i came in from work and was told to mow the grass and that it had to be done that night like it was now or you die kind of. like i wasnt off in two days and i just mowed the grass four days ago, and the grass didnt even grown yea it rained but we were seeing alot of heat last summer grass was dying everywhere here. this year we have seen almost nothing but rain since it got warmer. so im thinking wtf i pay you all this money make sure your children eat cant sleep in, yet im making it to work on time which i wouldve done even if i was just running to and from work, i was dedicated to rejoin the military and to have my job as i couldve lived off of my walmart paycheck for most of my bills and i wouldve needed to dip into whatever i had left only at the minimal maybe 200 a month which i wouldve had like 10,000 in savings until i went to college, which is fully paid for and you get gi money into your pocket, were talking 1500 a month and unemployment if needed. so i moved out as i was stronger than most people i knew. i been through so much and come out only better. i was so used and just focused on the fact that they used me, that where i moved to i was blinded by another who looking back actually basically shoved it in my face he could ask for my last twenty and would still give it to him. now everyone knows walmart pays sh** and shouldnt ever be anyones only income, unless ur salaried. so i ended up steailing from walmart to feed myself, they got me to write a statement against myself, so i f***** myself there i honestly dont think they caught me on camera but maybe once cuz i did like 60 here 80 there like 5 times. now i got fired, went to court and walmart put on paper that i stole more than even i wouldnt have done, i knew i was too high as it was and i was planning on stopping. so the amount made my unable to rejoin the military at the current time cuz of the economic situation and the budget cutbacks which is just bull cuz all its gonna do is make politicians spend more money, while suffocating us even more. so now im ready to exit this world cuz everything i worked ard for got thrown down the toliet because someone got in my way and took advantage of me. the other day something happened and my feelings came out and i said to my “mom who was my friends mom” i shouldve bee deployed, and she tried blaming that i let my mother get to me and thats why im where im at. its funny though cuz i didnt give up on myself and she didnt keep me from running which recently she made the excuse she didnt want me getting sick, so i caught her in a lie. a really big one that hurt my future. now shes kicking me out i owe 1200 on a fine with a record with no way to get a job since it was hard without the record, imagine how hard with it esp, since its employee theft. noone wants to hire anyone who steals from their job. i cant even get a job making those cement things for parking spaces. so now im looking to exit from this world, as i will be much happier. she played the guilt trip on me cuz i wanted to go to the hotel, and now she has to know where i go, as if she hasnt had enough control of me, she gave me 30 days its only been 4, and its like leave me alone u gave me 30 i wont need more than 18. ima be gone, cuz i lose my unemployment in a few weeks. so fare well world. i been through too much to keep on going through more and as long as i dont have alot of money falling on me anytime soon, then ill always be stuck in that situation or go hungry and homeless. f*** that. and we all know whats reality. im not getting money anytime soon. ill be in jail for not paying a fine. yea i shouldnt have been through that with my so called “friends” after they saw what i just went through. they wanna use the guilt trip like i let them get to me and im trying to blame them. if it werent for them, well i wouldve been back in the military, and not help lowlifes like the one i had to live with for a lil while. who btw called me earlier wanting me to buy something which he thinks hes slick, hell try selling me something that needs other things, like 4 speakers for a car, and he gives me 3 cuz i cant afford all 4 at once, then when i do have the money he cant even deliver, he took 200 from me to get me a 100 dollar xbox, twice! that never came through. i move in and hes trying to get me to buy a mattress and a door cuz my room didnt have one, and im not going to work with letting anyone access my computer my xbox, my tv, if i came home, i would have nothing. all my stuff would have been sold without hesitation. but he tried saying his friend has both and just needs the money right now, i was smart about that one, i dont see what im buying, im not paying his monkey ***. he stole something of mine and tried blaming someone else which i knew was a lie, cuz i had it after the person he said stole it left. yea i shouldve never been a people pleaser, as ive learned it can ruin your whole world.

  • Carolburton3

    Well Joe that all sounds right and good but where does G-d fit in? People like my boss and coworkers take advantage of me because my soul is kind and I pray that they will see what they are doing. Unfortunatley they don’t and if I try to stand my groung I am ridiculed and insulted. I must give it to G-d I am not confrontational. What do you think?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HY3LNGY2TR3M2BJ7PD75SRUDBY Peter C

    The most important thing to understand is your own motivations. Doing the right thing for the wrong reasons is bad. If you value the other person more than yourself and do something nice to win their approval, or friendship, many will take advantage of you. I know its possible to strong and to be nice, I’ve seen people I highly respect pull it off. I’ve grappled with this issue. You have to be strong and confident within to show love to others without being taken advantage of. Seeing other for who they are and not what we want them to be can be harder than it may seem.   

  • http://www.castlesherwood.net/ csnetwork

    awesome article, makes a lot of sense. i used to be this way, and it just broke my heart all the time when people denied returning the favor, or flat out said no. i now ask myself when someone wants something, would they do it for me? if i get a yes in my gut i do what they want to the best of my ability. if i get a gut feeling of “no”, i suggest ways that they can do it. often they get mad at me for it if i say no, but in the end i feel ive saved myself from hurt. and also 9 out of 10 times, they get it handled on their own anyway afterwards…

  • Rayek Yousef

    Hii Joe , I read your article after a great dilemma that I still got .

    On one hand , we want to get ahead in life & to do so we have to make tough choices that might not please everybody But on the other hand , if we push it too far with our toughness we might lose people, potential clients & popularity & this might harm our own personal success that we are trying to guard it with our tooth & nails ! 

    is there a middle way or is it white or black ??!  … Thanks ahead :)

  • JPetersen

    wow joe…. I do not know what to say after I read this. This tells me alot.

  • NGayanP

    If someone told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it? – You’d laugh, but why is it a ‘stupid’ question? Well, you are basically asking, would you do something that would make you worse off, if I asked you do it

    That should be you’re mentality when you are consistently helping people that have other options, but chooses you as their scape goat as it doesn’t cost them anything to obtain your services, and they know they don’t have to beg you for it – they just essentially take it

    It is very different to a person who is genuinely in trouble and you may help him out of the way once or a couple of time

    Either way, you attitude should bpm are him feel that he should be grateful, and is not getting what he wants so easily – say stuff like ‘Is it urgent?’ ‘I am actually in the middle of something’ etc,

    Show that you value your self and your time, and they will learn to value you

    They are not bad people – Just think of it as an animal, why wouldn’t a lion attack a rhino ? – In the animal kingdom, we can see the physical differences, but as people our differences lie in the way we talk, our attitude etc – if it is weak, or too kind, others will know and use you – It is not wrong, just the way life is

    It doesn’t mean that we have to be selfish – I love helping people, but make it feel like you have a life as well and that you value your time.

  • Vdetroyer246

    I was kind enough to help my sister for 8 years with her household chores because her daughter was in a car accident in 1999. I helped her by going to her house to help 2, sometimes 3 times a week, until 2007. She had to take her daughter out every day to keep her active. After those 8 years were up, my sister was going through a Divorce, and turned against me with false accusations.

  • HighSierra7

    Thank you; I thought they were just preying on me because I’m so sweet and I’m blond.  You have opened my eyes.  So called professional people that you hire to help you; half the time are only looking out for themselves.  If you give them an inch they take a mile. Realtors, lawyers, doctors, etc.  They have deceived me, overcharged me, lead me on, recommended things I don’t need at all, etc. etc.  I’ve had enough.  I’m saying NO from now on.  Do not give them the opportunity to take advantage of YOU.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/NW6FDXP5NNRPZ576SJ3O46BZ2E J

    Iuv when say nothing and some drug addict or just a dummy has no tolerance in his/her head to just shut up!  Not everyone has to be competitive and be around an arse.  At the job, with family or so called friendships.  People need to learn the value of silence being golden.  Some people like myself have to fight so much adversity it gets draining  the middle and end of the day. 

    With that said I sure hope the superficial barriers other people embark on good people just fade away. 

  • Maria1

    I love this article.   Too many people are trying to get an easy ride by taken advantage of others.  Its best to say no witout an excuse and listen to your gut feeling.  :)

  • Paul M

    True.  I have some associate’s who come to me first to borrow money, and are even jeolous
    of some good that has come about for me.  They are not my freinds.  They would not
    do the same for me.  Good article! 

  • Ansp160

    wouldn’t you be like them if you dont help? Because you are being selfish. Thats what makes you different from the people taking advantage of you, they”re selfish and thinking about themselves, but you’re not

    • S.M.

      There is a difference between helping genuine people an being used by selfish others. if you are not happy about doing it, then there is no point. at the end of the day your mental peace is all that matters. I know all this but I have trouble saying NO to people myself. and sometimes I get so angry at myself for being so weak. but I am trying to stand up against such things and I am sure I will improve .

  • Crystalgemlady

    People need to get their act together.Nobody owes anyone anything.

  • ic thaec

    People who are different from you, who ask for favors and other things that you give to them freely and keep telling you how different or ugly you are, are ill people. They show off as if they’re better than you and they try to tell you how inferior you are to them but in fact these kinds of people. by 90%, are always inferior to you. It’s ok to give but some people, when you give to them things many times, they think that you are a free outlet for them where they can get their business taken care, they also end up thinking that they own a part or all of your personal belongings. Some people don’t understand that taking without asking is stealing and some think that whatever they know no body else knows so they should take advantage of those they think don’t know that which they think they, only, know. It’s stupid and most of these people are stupid people, it does not matter their age, I define them as truly stupid people. By misbahaving often as you show them kindness they make you angry and or talk with bad language…this may lead to your resignation to being kind to people which is you turn into a bad person who think that all people are stupid and misunderstanding and negative, so you need to eliminate the chances of you helping any person regardless of how well you know them. When you behave funny at your father’s house he punishes you and in the few hours he treats you like his own child. Don’t let people go about changing your life the way they have gotten their own changed.

  • mark

    Dear Mr. Joe Porter! I am so glad that I read this article! I’ve been trying to say “No” to someone who is screwing myself. I’ve been looking for a No and an explanation for this Friday coming… And when I read your article I felt so relieved  that I do not need an explanation for it. I’ve been through every paragraphs that you wrote…I could not believe that I seeing myself in your article. I am lookiing forward to this Friday!  Thanks a lot !

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JSXIUXEVNM5Q3ONA3XBIM6IWDE QueenBofOB

    The world is full of people who mistake kindness for weakness and stupidity…

  • Ruth

    I came across this through the Asperger Women Association on Facebook, and this is something that is particularly pertinent to people like me on the autistic spectrum – we’re really bad at working out other people’s intentions and generally can’t spot (unless someone else points it out to us) others using us. I moved into a houseshare with a friend last year and it’s since been pointed out to me that she keeps using me for her own benefit (and throws a right strop if I say no) – because I can barely walk I have a disabled parking badge and a Motability car, which the law states have to be used for MY benefit. Yet she’s constantly bugging me to take her somewhere (she has ME/CFS but doesn’t get any mobility Disability Living Allowance because she can walk too far, plus she has very mild epilepsy so she has a disabled bus pass) when it’s of no use or benefit to me. Once I had it pointed out to me that she was taking advantage, I could spot the signs. I do feel very used and I’m not happy.

  • Mick

    I agree but then its also harder to not be taken advantage of if the one who is attempting to do so is someone you have feelings for other than just a friend and they know it. That makes it a little tougher and possibly harder to see coming than it being someone that you dont have those kind of feelings for.

  • Entei

    I just ‘agreed’ to work for someone 6 hours for free, and also do someones university coursework essay. F**** my shi**y life, hope I die soon.

  • EnFaRed

    People aint shit! U aint helping anyone but THE USER! Helping them think of there next scheme to get something out of You because they think they are “Out Smarting U” Just say No!!! And “they will get the message even if they don’t get the message, get the message?” DON’T FEED THE USER! EVEN IF IT MAKES U FEEL LIKE U DID A GOOD DEED, GODLEY THING, CHANGED THE WORLD. PEACE CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN HEAVEN. So be yourself, have fun bt if anyone ask u for anything even small favors say no, laugh n continue being the God loving person you are!!!!

  • Barb

    I really enjoyed reading this blog Thank you

    • Toni

      I really enjoyed the godly person comment. you hit the nail so good that nothing else need to be said about this. Thanks very much

  • sarah

    Wow this is sooo much help. I mean I’m only in 8th but I have a hard time saying no. I feel like that person will hate me. And u should be proud you wrote this article because u Changed someone’s life.

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  • JaneGlidden

    I read your article because I just had an altercation with a person (who has nothing better to do than sit on her fanny, drink coffee, watch TV and eat sweets, go back to bed and then nap on and off throughout the day) because she resents the fact that I value my life minutes. I monitor the time we’re on the phone and she was insulted when I pointed out the length of time that passed with repetitious blather. I am a writer/author working on my eleventh novel, I do all my own work whereas she hires everything and she has the audacity to criticize me for being too busy–as if being productive is negative. I needed your words. Thank you. She’s another one of those squid in life who latch on and squeeze the life out of those who aren’t on her level. With friends like that, who needs enemies? I didn’t appreciate being poked at for protecting my life’s minutes. It’s MY life not hers.